I had woken up around 5 a.m. on that Sunday and saw the Bbm notification on the phone. I had thought that it was a message from my son Aiman, who frequently sends messages to me late at night when I am already asleep. But it wasn't from him, it was from my husband. It is a very personal message but regardless, and with his permission, of course, I have chosen to re-produce it here in my blog. It read:
|The beautiful Arwen in Lord of the Rings|
Unlike Arwen, I am not an elf, obviously; I'm just an ordinary, mediocre human being, and nowhere near her as far as looks are concerned. But I do feel so blessed because I discovered love and happiness, found my soul mate, despite the odds, and live a fulfilling life with him, my children and my practice. Thus it is my wish that every woman will possess and feel the God-given love and happiness as I do.
There are also those whose self-esteem somehow become incredibly low they can't even find it in them to love their own selves. This is dangerous; this lowly feeling of themselves is what makes them susceptible to abuse by husbands or partners. Some may even feel, deep in their conscience that they actually deserve to be abused.
It is important that we find love and our true selves, buried underneath all the ego, pride, pain, anger, grudges, discontent, vengeance no matter how minuscule and shame, no matter why and how they found their way into our hearts in the first place. All these negativities are not only obstacles to happiness, but also to bounties and sustenance life has to offer.
It doesn't have to be blatant: private expressions of love and appreciation between the spouses go a long way. It helps especially when the roads become bumpy and a little rough. It's like taking vitamins to make your immune system strong, then it can fight the bad bacteria when it attacks.
But if at all no one reads this, it's absolutely okay with me because the first reason is important enough to me. I try to be frank and honest in my writing, so I hope I come on as a real person, one whom people can relate to and not just a make-believe, too-good-to-be-true character such as Arwen. Besides, it's so therapeutic to write and put my thoughts into words.
I am actually taking a short break after a month working on a few patients with chronic malevolent disturbances, and somehow writing just soothes the aches and pains away.
Now this is also something I am so grateful for: having someone who provides the much-needed support in my work. It's not just limited to moral support, but his presence creates a kind of invisible, formidable force that serves as a booster to my healing. It also protects me from harm that is considered as an occupational hazard in my line of work.
Before this, I wouldn't have had the ability to battle serious cases of spiritual disturbances leading to hysteria and such.
The peculiar thing is that, every time I faced a tough case, I'd be fine, but my husband would be the one who ended up exhausted and totally drained of energy. But true to his avatar, he accepts it willingly as his responsibility to protect me, saying that during his darkest times, his condition was many times worse...
When I married this man who calls himself Ahmad Cendana, I really didn't know what to expect of him. I had put my complete trust and faith in Allah, and showered him with love and care as any wife would. His past never bothered me one bit. We just focus on our present and future. Now, almost two years into the marriage, I realise there are many things I have discovered about him, about the powers of love, and about the absolute powers of God. The more I gave, the more I got.