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| This was taken on 31 July 2010 in Singapore. At that time I hadn't thought of writing this, though the label always reminds me of Papak |
There are many things that remind me of my late father, some good memories and of course there would be some that are not so good. But I do want to remember, and keep, only the good ones forever.
Papak as I called him had a very strong character and as such he was a big influence in my life. He was such a strict man, an autocrat and a disciplinarian, quite typical of parents in his era. No matter how hard we, his children, tried, or how well we succeeded in our academics, careers or businesses, it was never good enough for him. Or so we thought.
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| Hari Raya 1970, somehow I had gotten away without wearing white socks. I had yearned to have one of those maxis my older sisters were wearing! |
I recall the time when I had slackened in my Mathematics in a term exam, scoring 92 marks which still earned an A. When I showed him my report card, he was livid! He wanted nothing lower than 98. What followed was a six hour “personal tuition” with him which ended at 3 am. I was only eleven years old at that time.
Okay, so Mathematics is a critical subject, and it may have been necessary for a parent to be that concerned of his child’s performance in school. Well, that wasn’t the only subject that was important to him; he also had me sit for hours on end practicing handwriting till it was just the way he liked it to be. And right under his nose too; he’d be standing right next to me and the moment he saw the exercise book at a different angle, he’d adjust it.
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| Subang Airport, one of Papak's favourite locations for a drive and photo shoot. That's me next to Yan. |
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| I thought he was one of the best-dressed government officers of his time! |
Papak was also very particular about the way we spoke, in English especially; we were only allowed to speak with knowledge and intellect, anything nonsensical would be met with a sharp warning. Our grammar and pronunciation had to be faultless too. He had a way of training to make us always remember our mistakes so that we’d never repeat them.
Table manners and etiquette were of utmost importance to him. He never could abide rudeness and loud-speaking and boisterous people.
Papak however, would easily remember someone for life if the person had been respectful and had pleased him. He drummed into us virtues like self-respect and humility, and respect for others. As a child, it wasn’t easy to understand this. I can only hope that now as an adult, I am in good stead and can pass these values to my offspring as well.
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| Me, Yan, Mama and Papak |
A major part of our upbringing was dressing and personal grooming . Papak showed a perfect example, he was
never sloppy. He was always clean shaven, well-dressed and smelt nice, very nice. It wasn’t easy keeping up to his standards. Even an evening drive with him in which we sometimes didn’t even get to come down from the car, entailed a bath, putting on a clean dress, neatly combed hair (he only approved of short, left-sided parted hair) powder on our faces, white socks and black shoes. For him and Azman, my only brother, shirts had to be tucked
always into their pants. He even wore t-shirts (of colours that matched) tucked into his
kain pelickat.
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| In London, we had to make sure we had a nice jacket and shoes on if we wanted to walk with him! |
I was actually compelled to write this after Abang Mat of the Mat Cendana Blog Review fame commented on an old school family picture posted on Facebook by my sister Aimi. In the studio photo, Papak was wearing a full suit and tie complete with a
songkok and Abang Mat suggested that he had “the aura of a State Exco”. Of course Mama loved it when I told her that.
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| Penang, he always liked going back there, he had studied in Penang Free School once |
Abang Mat himself is actually a reminder of my late father. I actually didn’t realize their similarities until my elder sisters, first Aimi, then Azni mentioned it. The most obvious similarity is in their writing. Papak loved to write too, letters especially, handwritten of course. Not only they both love to write but according to Azni, Abang Mat writes like Papak. She must know, for she, being the eldest was the first to leave home to study overseas and was the recipient of long and frequent letters from him.
They both have a passion for music although not of the same genre. And reading too, of course, almost on the same material and subjects. Both their favourite magazines are Time and Newsweek, books - autobiographies and National Geographic. Incidentally, they both were teachers in a school once.
They both love the same gadgets – computers, cameras and hand phones. They even enjoy the same leisurely activities, window shopping and driving through scenic places, although Abang Mat doesn’t do it very often. The only thing Abang Mat doesn’t like to do is dining out. Papak loved eating out and enjoyed his medium-well to well-done steaks. Very recently, Abang Mat told me that he likes his meat and shellfish well done too.
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| Resting in Bayu bungalow, Port Dickson in his "baju sehe" or "baju basahan" |
So it is inevitable that being with Abang Mat the past few months has flooded me with memories of Papak. The most pleasant were those during the holidays spent with him. Despite the fear of him that was still eminent in me right until the day he died, we still invited him along as he seemed
so happy, and appeared to be a totally different person when on holiday with his two grandchildren, Aiman and Marzia. In fact, he had mellowed a lot after I had them. He was especially fond of and close to Aiman.
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| In Cameron Highlands, my children and Yan's ; see how all of them stand so straight with their Apak! |
In my younger days I used to work with Guthrie and we had spent most of our holidays together at the company’s bungalows in Fraser’s Hill and Port Dickson. Papak loved Fraser’s Hill and the colonial bungalow there especially. We were there almost every year end during the time I was in their employment as it was the coldest time of the year. He loved the immaculate service rendered by the third generation Lim’s, caretakers of the Kayangan bungalow in their crisp, white uniforms.
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| Outside the Kayangan bungalow in Fraser's Hill with Aiman |
As with most other grandparents, he was so stern and rigid with his children but with his grandchildren it was all hell broke loose. They could get away with anything and of course they had fun together. I’m sure the pictures here would surprise many, as they show a totally different side of him. Some of these pictures have never been shown to anyone, even within the family.
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| In Port Dickson, a very rare moment |
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| Aiman, Mama, Papak and Marzia at the Awana Kijal pool. A rare occasion. |
The holiday trips to London, his favourite city for some reason or other, however, were just with Mama and us, his children. The last trip in 1998 was the most memorable, as he was exceptionally happy then. Azni was about to receive her PhD. That was one of the rare occasions when he did not make an effort to conceal his pride of his daughter’s achievements.
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| Picnic in Shah Alam with Prof Azni's family. This is the only picture I have of this outing. |
Also, that was one of the last holidays we had together. Around the year 2000, his health had started to slowly deteriorate until he was finally diagnosed of cancer in early 2004. He died in May the same year.
On that particular trip, Papak had wanted to buy a jacket. He had gone to almost every store on Oxford Street to look for one. Being so meticulous and particular about fit and comfort, he was dissatisfied with every piece he had tried on. He was almost in a state of despair and I felt so sorry for him.
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| Papak was always at his best on the streets of London. This is what Mat Cendana will look like and be doing at 65 years old. |
I didn’t want him to return to Malaysia disappointed. It would have taken him two months at least after our return to recover from the regret of not having been able to fulfill his intention. I had to do something. I had to sum up all my courage just to suggest something to him. Yes I was that afraid of him.
I suggested that he gave Burberry a try. I
knew that once he had tried on a Burberry, there was a slim chance of him being able to resist buying it. He would appreciate the quality of it, not so much the name. I
really wanted him to own one; he had worked and saved hard for us, and he deserved to have a good-looking and feeling jacket.
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| See that gleeful smile...like a Cheshire cat |
Papak could have well afforded to adorn himself in designer clothes from head to toe. But he was such a prudent man, almost stingy actually, but only because he wanted to leave as much as possible for Mama and us. As stringent as he was, he had promised Mama, as if he knew he would go first, that he would make her a “rich widow”.
I was stunned, but delighted of course when he agreed to try Burberry, and with a cheeky smile at that. He seemed almost excited at the prospect of getting an apparel with a designer label. Needless to say, he fell in love almost immediately with the jacket he chose, what with the very impressive, professional and personal service of the staff attending to him, and of course with me urging him on.
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| On the beach in PD. This is as casual as he gets. |
He was like a child with a new toy, tak sabar-sabar nak balik. Once back in the apartment, he immediately tried his new jacket on again and the picture above says it all…he was absolutely thrilled with pride and joy.
Having written this, I have relived, the feeling of joy and happiness of that day, and hope it would remain until I die. Not that I equate his happiness to that of a designer jacket, but it is the precious and few joyous moments with him that I want to treasure. And this was definitely one of the times that I did with Papak… and his Burberry.
Ja.....l think l have not loved papak more than l do now after reading your blog....(and after buckets of rain)....l was always trying to block out the memories because the bad ones always douse the good ones in a split second! Yes..you have kept the pictures well...l've only seen 10% of them! Thanks a million Ja...after this l will only keep the good ones insyaAllah!
Aimi said...
18 October, 2010 09:34
Being his 1st cucu i could remember late Apak's strong character the most.. Thanks for sharing maksu dearie for bring us back the memory..
"We sat beside your bedside, Our hearts were crushed and sore;
We did our best to the end, 'Til we coul...d do no more.
In tears we watched you sinking, We watched you fade away;
And though our hearts were breaking, We knew you could not stay.
You left behind some aching hearts, That loved you most sincere;
We never shall and never will forget you Apak dear".
Al-Fatihah..
- Faizah Kamel - said...
18 October, 2010 13:09
Sis..thanks for reading. MasyAllah, I didn't expect this post to affect anyone else. Syukur it did something for you. I was thinking so much about Papak lately. Thanks to Abang MC too. He provides me with the inspiration,confidence and tips to write. But more than anything else I write to "syok sendiri" only.:-)
sistemannissa said...
18 October, 2010 17:30
Ajjah..Umie suruh baca ye!:-D. Thank you for the poem, it's beautiful. Six years on and we still think so much about him kan? It would be nice if everyone in the family writes a bit about what they remember about Apak.
sistemannissa said...
18 October, 2010 17:34
Ja...it was well written...every word sooo precise! I love the cheshire cat pic most...cant see it well coz the tears keep beaming up!
Anonymous said...
18 October, 2010 18:30
oops salah picit....that was me....
Anonymous said...
18 October, 2010 18:32
Amingkor....
aimi said...
18 October, 2010 18:34
Aniza,
What a stunning post this one is!If I had known about it much earlier, I'd have insisted on editing out some parts... every sentence that mentioned me:-P Good timing on your part; when you know that I "was preoccupied" Haha!
The pictures, plus your description of Papa and your family during the various periods... this is possibly the best personal post that I've read this year. It's definitely something that I will read over and over again.You might not realise it but this is sublime. Not only do I know of and understand but I also could feel. Your post elevates.
Mat Cendana said...
18 October, 2010 18:40
I'm going to admit it: I was in tears. This one touches deep inside. There's much more that I want to say. But at another time...
Mat Cendana said...
18 October, 2010 19:02
MC....lve gone thru it at least 10 times already and each time l colapse again and again.....=(
aimi said...
18 October, 2010 21:54
Kak Ja..
What a nice post! Love it very much.
sherry said...
18 October, 2010 23:07
Aming..thanks for the good words. There are so many more stories about Papak, I wish the five of us could sit down together and jot down our memories of him. The other day Mama showed old photos of him to Abang Mat, of people he met, places he went and things he did that I don't even know of. We are what we are largely because of him whether we like it or not, if not a big chunk, a small chunk of the old block. We should remember him and remember him well.
sistemannissa said...
19 October, 2010 00:47
Abang, I really don't know what to say. This is totally unexpected. I had personally felt that my amateurish writing could have passed off as from someone in Std 5! I knew you would take yourself deep into this, but didn't anticipate this kind of reaction from you AND Aimi. Anyway, I really appreciate that you've taken the time to read it, at a time when your focus should be somewhere much more important.
sistemannissa said...
19 October, 2010 00:58
Sherry! Thanks for dropping by and leaving such a nice comment..you love it because you love me,kan? :-DD
sistemannissa said...
19 October, 2010 01:00
This book that I'm reading, FORD: The Men and the Machine - it's printed in 1986 and has a UNIVERSITAS KENSINGTON sticker in it. It's about the same time that Proton was launched, if I'm not mistaken.
I'm positively sure your father must have known a lot about the car industry... definitely more than the average man in the street, that's for sure. And there was the other book of IACOCCA - An Autobiography, which I had read before this. Your father should have easily supported or argued against whatever points concerning the automobile industry - national or international - from reading these two books alone.
Mat Cendana said...
21 October, 2010 00:31